Dear Parents of Peewee B team,
In keeping with the 24-hour Coach to Parent communication rule, I wanted to send a note to all of you both recapping our season as well as explaining why I missed the last game at CanAm on Saturday. After a disappointing loss in the third game that kept us out of any medal consideration and a Sunday game, the opportunity came for me to attend my son’s High School hockey playoff game Saturday evening in Coney Island. After talking with our President and Coach Frank, they both said they would cover me for the game. I jumped in my car and just made it to Abe Stark arena in Brooklyn for the start of the game Saturday evening. i didn't have the chance to communicate with any of you about this before I left, and I apologize for that.
My son’s team lost, but I want to tell you a quick story about the game before talking about our season. His team has finished the season the past two years at Coney Island, and they started a tradition last year that, regardless of win or lose, they would do a “Polar Bear” dip into the Atlantic Ocean after their last game. Last night at about 9:30 PM after being defeated by Monseigneur Farrell to eliminate them from championship game contention, the Iona Prep JV hockey team stripped down to their skivvies, gathered at the shore of beach, and, along with their coach, all went in the freezing ocean water together. When they ran out of the water, they got together for one last time as a team, and were left with some final words from their coach –they won’t remember all the wins and losses of the season, but they would always remember this and the fact they all did it together, and that they would forever be a team and would always support each other. As father, a former high school and college athlete, a combat vet, and a coach, I could hardly contain my emotion watching this. I was just so thankful my son got to participate in this event and he was a member of this team. It also got me thinking how he got to this point in his life.
This all happened because of hockey. This happened because I got him on skates when he was small and watched him fall. This happened because we got him to the rink for a 6:00 AM Metro Game, dragging him out of bed sometimes when he didn’t want to go. This happened because as a family we traveled to places like Morristown, NY, Ashton, PA, and Marlboro, Mass and stayed in cramped hotel rooms for the weekend. This happened as I watched him deal with overzealous parents who sometimes yelled at him while he played, difficult teammates, and referees who inserted themselves in results of games. At the end, this happened because he embraced hockey as his own as I hoped he would, and it got him to a place that had really nothing to do with game, but then again, everything to do with the game. As a hockey parent, I never thought watching 20 high school sophomores and freshmen jump into freezing water together would be a seminal moment for my son. But it was, and it all happened because of hockey.
I mention this because in some ways I think we were all waiting for that great moment for our Peewees this year. I know I was. I wanted them to have it so badly I could taste it. They deserved it. Who could have predicted such a disaster in Needham. Never in a thousand plus peewee games I coached have I ever seen such an out of control situation that I could not get my hands or head around. We were so close, but once again, our boys were left with another hard lesson that bad things can happen and we just have to learn to deal with it. We had such high expectations for Can Am, and after such a great start in the first game, we just couldn’t find a level of play that resulted in us coming out on top. As their coach, I always knew we had flaws with this team. You try to mask the flaws and over-play your strengths and that usually gets you good results. We just weren’t able to do that on a consistent basis this year. It’s no one’s fault. These are boys with a wide range of skills and maturity, wider then most teams at our level. We had some great highs, but I am afraid lows that were so fatal we couldn’t recover from in some games in order for us to claim a victory.
I have been very open to the boys all year, telling them where they stood and the facts as I see them. There should be no doubt in their minds how I feel about something related to their game. They were not coddled. I demanded them to behave, didn’t always get the result I was looking for, and they paid the consequence. Some got it faster then others and never crossed the line; some always tested the boundary even in the face of it affecting their teammates. We had multiple “life talks” in the locker room following mostly our most harrowing defeats; some of you attended them and heard what we talked about. We had one of those talks yesterday after the Rye game, where the boys got some real talk about both what we needed to do as team that day and had failed. I promised the boys a written individual evaluation of what they need to do to improve, and I will email that to each of you in the coming weeks.
I know some of you are experienced hockey parents, but most of you are not, so the story about my son is to remind you that playing hockey is all things an experience, a hardship, and a journey. You have to endure the hardship in order to get to that future moment, and it doesn’t always happen every season. Coach Frankie always reminded the boys they must sacrifice and give all their effort. It’s hard to accept when trapped in the moment, as I was as a parent, and I am as a peewee coach, but I am sure the experienced hockey parents will tell you what I know - you love this game and it will eventually love you back. It gives more then it takes. It will happen as long as you support your son and his desire to play the game. My goal this year as their coach was to make sure your child loves hockey when the season was over, and if they can say that after all the crap we have been through this season, then we have all succeeded.
I want to thank Dave for his long-lasting support of me and our team this year, doing all he could to get us games and practices. Dave juggles so many things during the season and we could not have a better person leading our organization. He places the priority of the kids in the program first and foremost, lives and dies with how we all do, and represents the program marvelously throughout the state. Thank you, Dave, for letting me share yesterday’s moment with my son too. You are the penultimate hockey parent.
I also want to thank Frankie for being a superb role model for the boys and teaching them the real fine points of the game. He connected with the boys on a level I couldn’t. Also thanks to Coach Phil for joining us midway through the season for his leadership and his infectious enthusiasm during games and practices. Last but hardly least, George and Rosemary were terrific team managers, as well as conduits from me to you. Thank you both for helping create a team environment in what was some very challenging moments during the season.
Lastly, I know tryouts are just around the corner. I will agree with you that we all have to do the best thing for our child. I believe we are the best-run youth hockey program in all of Hudson Valley. We surely are not perfect. We try to put the kids on the right team based on their ability. We then try to schedule the right teams to play based on the skills of the team. We often punch above our weight class; we hardly if ever schedule something below. It sometimes creates adversity. I think the stable of coaches who work with us are the best in not only the Hudson Valley, but all of Long Island as well. If you want to find one incident over the course of this season or for that matter any season that could cause you to think about whether you even want your child to play the game, you likely could do that. I would ask you to put things in perspective. Given where all of you are now, if it’s your child’s goal to play hockey in high school, I don’t think there is a better program anywhere to help your child achieve that goal. I can’t guarantee when they get there they’ll be jumping in the Atlantic Ocean, but I will guarantee they will have all the tools to compete, participate and contribute to their High School team in what will be a substantial chapter of their life. But if they do end of jumping in the Atlantic Ocean, well, then you will know who to blame - hockey!
I am always on and available to talk about this message or your son’s hockey career, so reach out to me any time. Thank you again for trusting me with your son for practices and games this season. It’s a privilege that I struggle to put into words how strongly I feel about its importance to me.
See you at the rink
ML
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